By Mx.Knotty

The Art of Negotiation in Kink

At Knotty Productions, we believe negotiation is the cornerstone of safe, intentional, and deeply fulfilling play. Negotiation isn’t a one-time checklist — it’s an ongoing understanding between two or more people about what they want to do, feel, and experience together. To negotiate well, you must first understand consent.

Consent as the Foundation

My favorite definition of consent is:
An ongoing process between capable parties, voluntarily agreeing to a particular activity.

Let’s break that down:

• Ongoing: Consent is reversible. At any point, for any reason, you can revoke it.
  
  

• Capable: All parties must be of age and in a sound state of mind.
  
  

• Voluntary: Consent cannot be coerced, deceived, or forced.
  
  

• Particular: Everyone agrees to the same particular act, with full clarity and information on said act.
  
  

• Informed: All parties understand both the risks and benefits of the activity.

Building Your Risk Toolkit

Before you can negotiate with someone else, it’s essential to sit with yourself. Understanding your own limits, needs, and abilities is the first step to giving and receiving meaningful consent. This is what I call your risk toolkit.

When these conditions are met, negotiation becomes the tool that helps transform consent into an intentional, co-created experience.

Steps For your Negotiation

Now that we know how to get true Consent and we have created our Risk Toolkit, how do we actually structure a negotiation? This step-by-step plan involves two sections. The first section includes topics for anyone you want to play with, which are relevant before you are discussing a particular scene. Then, if you decide you want to negotiate a particular scene with this individual/s, you can move onto the next section.

Section 1 (Basic info)

History

• Experience (both good & bad)
  
  

• Ability and skill level
  
  

• STI and testing status
  
  

• Injuries, allergies, or medical issues
  
  

• Flexibility and mobility
  
  

• Sensitive areas or places prone to bruising
  
  

• Piercings or body modifications
  
  

• Potential triggers
  
  

Readiness (Revisit before scene)

• Mental and emotional state
  
  

• Physical condition
  
  

• Sobriety
  
  

• Hydration, food, sleep, and medications
  
  

• Energy levels
  
  

• Equipment safety and sanitation
  
  

• Desire to play with this person today
  
  

Future

• Emergency plan and closest hospital
  
  

• Aftercare needs and wants
  
  

• Drop, check-ins, or social support
  
  

• Relationship intent
  
  

• First aid kit availability
  
  

Section 2 (Let’s build a Scene!)

Outlining the Scene

Once you know your own toolkit, you can co-create the structure of the scene. A good negotiation answers questions such as:

• How do we want to feel during and after the scene?
  
  

• What are our must-haves and do-wants?
  
  

• What are our limits and do-not-wants?
  
  

• What are our safewords or nonverbal signals?
  
  

• Where will this take place, and with what equipment?
  
  

• When is the scene officially over?
  
  

• What safety precautions will be in place during this scene?
  
  

It’s also important to ask logistical questions:

• Do we have enough time for the full scene, including aftercare?
  
  

• What does it look and sound like when I’m having a good time — or when something is wrong?
  
  

• What’s our action plan if something unexpected happens?
  
  

• When will we debrief, and how will we check in afterward?
  
  

Negotiation as Connection

Negotiation isn’t just about preventing harm. It’s about creating clarity, care, and connection before you even step into the scene. When you take the time to discuss history, readiness, and future needs, you lay the groundwork for an experience that feels safer, deeper, and more meaningful.

At Knotty Productions, we see negotiation as an act of respect — for yourself, for your partner, and for the journey you’re about to take together. And ultimately, negotiations not only make for better experiences on a day-to-day basis, but a stronger understanding of the way that respect fits into every other part of your life.

Stay Curious, Stay Kinky

Mx.Knotty